Launch Day

You know what this world needs? A PETA hotline. I cant tell you how many times Ive wished I  had a phone number I could call to consult an animal-rights expert on how to restore my karma after animal encounters. I think a friendly talking bear mascot would be perfect for this. Lets name him PETA Pete. For example:

ME: [mad dialing]

THEM: Thanks for calling, PETA Pete speaking. [PETA Pete is giant talking friendly bear, remember. Just fyi.]

ME: OMG, i was just riding my bicycle home from the farmer’s market this afternoon after my shift at the bakery co-op and I ran over a moose. I feel so terrible. Please help me… my karma is in tatters. Im so afraid.

THEM: Whoa now, slow down there. Lets just back up a little. First of all, I just want to thank you for taking the time to call PETA Pete. PETA Pete loves answering questions. Second of all, I need a little more information. For instance — you say you were coming home from the farmer’s market. Did you purchase any produce today?

ME: Y-y-y-yes. I got, I think, some rutabagas. And beets.

THEM: Hmm, I see. That sounds delicious. Now, were your vegetables locally grown?

ME: Yes of course.

THEM: Um hmm. Organic?

ME: Y-y-yes. I think.

THEM: Thats good. Thats good. Ok, what were you carrying them in?

ME: A sack.

THEM: I see. Now, it’s important to know what kind of sack it was. For instance was it a hemp sack made from recycleable materials?

ME: No. Plastic sack. Grocery store chain variety.

THEM: [silence]

ME: PETA Pete?

THEM: PETA Pete always recommends reusing linen-style bags. You should always try to avoid plastic grocery store sacks. It might be a little more inconvenient but it makes PETA Pete verrrrry happy. Now, it might take a little more to restore your karma. But let me see — PETA Pete thinks you’re doing a great job for the most part. Farmer’s market, riding your bike, bakery co-op, this is wonderful. Was the moose ok?

ME: Y-y-yes. I think so. He looked a little scared, but he walked away ok.

THEM: Thats terrrrrrific. You’re karma is A-OK. Thanks for calling!!

ME: Thank you PETA Pete!!

See what I mean? The caller in the above example would have lived in fear for literally hours without having PETA Pete the talking bear to call into.  It would be a very good thing. I think with Obama in office, conditions are favorable for this — though PETA Pete would say conditions are always favorable for protecting wildlife. You’re right, PETA Pete. Thanks.

PS. Yes. New music is nearly upon us. One vocal track to lay down.

i guess one nice thing about having one of your heroes hang himself is that rolling stone writes a really interesting retrospective on his life.

what’s wrong with me, i tear up writing that.

The weekend is nearly upon us. I, for one, plan on celebrating with a combination of Slamball (no thats not some designer drug, rather some designer sport involving trampolines and plexiglass) and old Dokken records (those billiard cues are so righteous.) According to the interweb’s wikipedia thing,  Dokken has sold 10 million records, and has been ranked #113 on the US Charts as recently as May of this year. Dokken. Go Don Dokken!!

Afer all those years (and all that hair spray), who would have thunk it.  So I for one am gonna be totally rokken like dokken this weekend. Reach out across that aisle and join me, wherever you may be.

Hey check out this cool presidential transitions for dummies.

and this link is a triple whammy of supercoolness. Not only is it a governmental “org chart” (and who doesnt love a nice org chart) for the president-elect’s transition website but from inspecting the url a little closer (and who doesnt love doing that) its obviously generated by a cgi. Thats the “.cgi” part in the url, mom.  Hey now, THAT is exciting. Perl is obviously getting some whitehouse governmental pdf-generation cgi love.  Do I dare dream it was, in fact, Perl behind that CGI and not some crappy csh script? I bet its perl.  I also enjoy the “dbname=2008_government_manual” part of the href, bc to me its reassuring that we’ve got a manual for the 2008 govt. To me, that makes sense. My microwave came with a manual,  the government should too. Its much bigger than my microwave. And the manual’s online. Wow. They’ve got this interweb thing nailed. I can tell the next four — scratch that, eight — years are gonna be awesome. Yes we can. You think its a mysql database even? Omg. Has digg seen this yet?

Thanks everyone for putting up w/ this momentary tech talk. For those of you w/ no inkling of what perl or cgi is, rest assured, it does NOT rock and has no business on this website. Its just how this cubicle dweller happens to pay his monthly bills. Everyone’s gotta do something, eh.

WWDDD — What would Don Dokken do? I’ll tell you. He’d be out there playing Slamball.

The weekend is nearly upon us. I think you know what I’ll be doing this weekend. Thats right.  Playing Slamball. Finally, an outlet for my mad trampoline skillz.

This Radica Password Journal may be just the trick for keeping my thoughts and dreams private and secure. Finally!

i cant believe its been more than a month since last post. new music not even on the horizon. in my free time ive been building a statistics database of every pro bike race since 2002. its pretty cool, if youre into that kind of thing. which, i admit, i greatly am. did you know, for instance, that apparently 2005 was tom boonen’s best year in the spring classics. he won two of them and had an average finishing position of 9th.  i didnt either. now you do. 2008 wasnt so hot for big tom, his avg position was 41.4 with one win. must have been the discos.

here’s what ive been reading.

Bill Bryson, In A Sunburned Country. — great australia book by hilarious author. takes a while to get into it, but it does eventually get its claws into you big time.

A. B. Guthrie, The Big Sky. pulled this off my shelf randomly and enjoyed it greatly.  set in american west. mountain man kind of stuff. injuns and buffalo. 1800s.

Martin Dugard, Chasing Lance. Really like this book about the 2005 tour de france. not so much about lance as it is about french countryside, villages, the history of the race, etc. very enjoyable read.

Joe Kurmaskie, Metal Cowboy. this guy spends his early 20s riding his bike around america, making friends. hijinks ensue. fluffy, not going down in the annals of great lit, but enjoyable. i was particularly fascinated about the bike touring company he worked for in southern florida.

Update: On the one hand, the bad news – david foster wallace died. But on the other hand, the good news — hey, free david foster wallace essays over at Harpers.

Today I came to work and caught an email that an author I’ve enjoyed the career of passed away over the weekend. Its very sad.  what do you say. Rest in peace, you were among the small handful of living authors i followed. the rest are crap. thanks for your books. may eternity find you always w/ a clean bandana at the ready.

here’s his wikipedia link:

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Foster_Wallace

i loved reading that guy. i was an enormous, blubbering fan of this fella. He had a passage in infinite jest where the prose became somehow just slow motion, it was nearly holographic. it was one of the greatest moments in reading i have ever experienced. im still talking about it, what 15 years later. he was so good it was unsettling at times. he was a technical master, but he pulled it off in a super cool, likeable, ingratiating way. he applied his talent to topics he loved — tennis, for instance. he was a guy that liked tennis, played it as a youth, and then wrote the hell about it. he was the kind of author that is on a level all his own — when you’re reading him, it is w/ gratitude and joy, and if you know anything you know you’re in the hands of a true master. i gladly nominate him to represent my generation to the centuries of literary history. so rest in peace man, im really going to miss your work. The short list just grew one shorter.

Heres one to keep your toes tappin’ on the sabbath. Is the sabbath saturday or sunday? whatever.