Yup, still working on my Federal withholdings. I’ve circled back to question F and realized I have no idea what it is asking:

“Enter 1 if you have at least $1,900 of child or dependent care expenses for which you plan to claim a credit. (Note. Do not include child support payments. See Pub. 503, Child and Dependent Care Expenses, for details.)”

So I’m not really sure what to do. What’s a child care expense for which I plan to claim a credit? And do I have $1,900 worth of them? I have no clue. I do, however, have heart palpitations.

I guess I’ll go unwind with a nice copy of Pub. 503 Child and Dependent Care Expenses and see what I can pull together for an answer.

Shouldn’t take more than a week or two. Don’t drop any fractions! Oh, and subtract line 34 after you add line B and complete all applicable worksheets for accuracy.

Editors note: I threw up my hands and entered a zero to be safe. Maybe I could have entered a one, I’ll never know — whatever it would have gotten me in tax savings, I’m willing to pay it – happily! – to not have to deal with Pub. 503 and the propspect of being carted off in cuffs in front of my friends for getting Line F wrong.

Still trying to compute my federal withholdings. Here’s another gem from the worksheet: “G) See Pub. 972, Child Tax Credit, for more information.” Ha. So what now?  I’ve look on both sides of this W-4 form, I don’t see any Pub. 972 Child Tax Credit. Do I make a visit to my local library to look up the mysterious Pub 972 to determine the answer for G? Do I google for Pub 972 Child Tax Credit and wade through 4 million quote “hits” on way to becoming my neighborhood’s foremost expert on child credits as they related to Question G? Do I shoot myself in the face?

To know the answer of how best to respond, please see Pub. 8280Qw!Niner-Alpha “Typical Responses to Random References Embedded in Questions On U.S. Governmental Forms.”

Don’t worry, though, no stress. If you get the answer wrong on your W-4, however, men in black suits from the IRS will appear on your porch and drag you away in a dark towncar, and you’ll never be heard from again. “I wonder whatever happened to that guy,” your neighors will one day ask. “Got G wrong …” with a knowing nod and tsk.

Taxes are tough for the regular guy. I’m trying to change my federal withholdings which led to a number of forms with very important sounding questions such as “Enter the number from line H, page 1 (or from line 10 above if you used the Deductions and Adjustments Worksheet).” And that’s just the first question. There’s about 40 more. Picking another at random, “Divide the amount on line 7 by 3,700 and enter the result here. Drop any fraction.” Dude. Come on. What does ‘drop any fraction’ mean to the regular American? It means nothing, because the regular American doesn’t know what a fraction is, let alone Line 7. Speaking only for myself, if the math goes beyond “large,” “extra-large” or “extreme supersize,” I’m lost.

Aren’t you glad that at Launch Day headquarters, there is no math in our debates.

Just be sure to drop any fractions.