Meetings, Deconstructed

In meetings, you have distinct phases.

First, there’s the pre-meeting. This is a jokey time, vapid small talk, canned jokes. Hows it going? Oh I can’t complain, well I could but noone would care anyways, har har. Vacation, kids. Out sick, feeling better? This is where you pick your seat and fill time until:

The opening soliloquy. This is the opening speech by whoever feels is driving the meeting.

Then, there’s the secondary soliloquy, or, sometimes, the rebuttal speech. Either way, it’s another speech, by someone else. There will always be jockeying for who gets to give the secondary soliloquy.

Then the meeting will devolve into the Chaos and Circular Arguing phase. Someone will say something, then someone else will sound like they disagree, and talk for a long time, essentially saying the same thing the first guy said. This will go round and round in circles. This is the real meeting.

Eventually one of two things happen: either Time’s Up, or the meeting Runs Out Of Things To Talk About. In adroitly managed meetings, these happen concurrently. Either way, there’s some sort of grunt of consensus and the meeting adjourns for the first time.

Then there’s the After Meeting. the act of standing and slowly moving towards the exits creates a new meeting of small talk. If not controlled tightly and carefully, this can launch into another phase of Chaos and Circular Arguing. Keep it simple here folks, dumb jokes, good to see yous, etc, as you move towards the door and wrap it up. If you have a couple “real” friends in there, this is where you banter and shield each other.

Then, The Exit. Clean break, out the door, back to your hole.

Meetings, deconstructed.

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