A new sport I invented

Everyone, I invented a new sport. I’m calling it – ‘walking’.

You put on shoes and then you go out your front door and you go somewhere.

I’m inventing it as part of my grass roots campaign to help us find the cause of obesity.

Unfortunately it requires a lot of fancy new equipment, like feet.

Compare this to kayaking – or better, cycling: which requires a relatively easy to obtain wardrobe – specialty shoes, specialty shorts (called a ‘bib’ and boy did I feel embarrassed at the group ride when i learned it didn’t mean my baby’s meal bib), specialty shirt (called ‘kit’), specialty hat (called ‘helmet’), swerving in and out of 3,000 pound metal bombs travelling at 50 mph a foot off your shoulder (called ‘cars’). Estimated cost of entry: $12,000. And that’s before you buy the bike. And do it long enough, and you’ll start to notice that everyone knows at least one person that has died a sudden and unexpected death doing it. (And btw we at launchday inc love cycling.)

But compare this to my new invented sport, ‘walking’. Like I said, unfortunately it requires feet. And then when you walk out your door it requires miles of this specialty roadway called a ‘sidewalk’. Fortunately they’re everywhere. And if you do it long enough, you’ll notice lots of others doing it too (sort of), and noone – noone – knows anyone that has ever died doing it.

I think it’s big elsewhere in the world but hasn’t quite caught on here. Just you wait.

Maybe while I”m at it I’ll invent, in contrast to a ‘bike shop,’ a ‘walk shop’. Here you can buy everything needed for this exciting new sport. It will sell – nothing. I’m still working on the business plan.

While you’re outside, there may be distractions. You may encounter the sound of leaves crunching underfoot. You may wish to venture down a dirt trail. Strangely this will not require a tire or bike change.

You may wish to view a few trees. Or perhaps take the children. That, too will cost – nothing. Strange, I know.

Evolutionary development is a funny thing. We’ve evolved, as bipedal locomoting humans, a breathtaking efficiency for this thing called ‘walking.’ It’s staggering as well at how young an age we seem to grasp its mechanics. Plus it seems to serve us throughout our lives.

I realize it’s far more engaging to buy kayaks, road bikes, mountain bikes, water boards, surf boards, flippers, racks, motorcycles, and helmets, and that those things sell far more magazine subscriptions, documenataries, industry trade shows, REI stores and professional practitioners.

But before you shell out johnny’s college tuition on the outdoor industry’s latest whatever, consider – just consider – going for a walk first.

It’s an exciting new sport. And it’s gonna be huge.

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