what not to say to a woman, pt 1

I was getting a cup of coffee today (with my new mug) and saw a young woman that looked exactly like Minnie Driver. But I dont think you can say that out loud. Its like saying, “You are somehow cute, despite having a large nose and kind of a funny face.” Which will lead to an awkward silence at best.

Update: I was simply told she looked like Minnie Driver. Because being a married man, I no longer see members of the opposite gender. (Yes, “gender,” not that other, racier word.) And “cute” is a word reserved solely for my children these days. Again, Im only quoting what was told to me. I have no idea who is cute. Except for Obama, who is adorable.

New music is coming. I promise (or warn?). Im wrestling with a chorus. The problem, without mind numbing details, is that when you use the masculine pronoun “He” it can end up sounding completely homo-erotic, which is fine (more than fine, even, because hate speech will never be tolerated here, just ask the OPC (“you down with me?”) who firmly supports the rights of all lifeforms, including chickens, to roam free before slaughter, or then again maybe im getting my state’s props mixed up, which is exactly why we hired the OPC (“you down with me?”) in the first place) but nevertheless not quite the intended effect in this case. So instead, I think I’ll sing about cats. Actually, now that I am thinking about it, I can’t even do that. Trees? Are there any innuendos in trees? Sigh. This is the kind of quandary I put myself in when I stray from the tried-and-true formula of “first take, two hours max, done and on to the next one.” Oh and it has this site’s first ever obscure drug reference. Yeah I was watching an episode of CSI and totally picked it up. Instant street cred.

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