My Buddy Billy

Back in the old days – I mean waaaaay back, when people read things called “newspapers” – or hell, when people read, period – I, perhaps in eery predilection of my current creepy habit of pacing the ivory-towered headquarters of Launch Day Inc back and forth all night, nervously polishing the ash trays every 20 steps precisely - wait I forget what I was saying. I think I was just trying to say I used to clip newspaper articles. And I just unearthed one of these clippings (don’t ask) from May 23, 1993, a short little diddy from a former Chief Justice of blah blah blah William Rehnquist giving a speach (a “speach” is a peachy speech btw, patent pending) to the bright eyed and bushy tailed graduates of George Mason University, named of course after the great George Mason, purveyor of those precious white man wigs (whigs?) of which I cannot be seen in public WITHOUT. Also tampons. Anyways, this is what old Billy R had to say, so try to put down your gameboys and ho hos for a minute and pay attention retard, this is important:

“Another way to look at life is as a shopping mall – not the usual kind where goods are purchased with money, but one where items such as worldy success, love of music, a strong backhand, close relationships with your family, a few good friends and countless other things are on sale. The commodity with which they are purchased is not money, but time. And as we have seen, contrary to the capitalist system of money and goods, every one of us has exactly the same amount of time in each hour, in each day, in each year. Bear in mind this message from the older generation to your younger one: The most priceless asset that can be accumulated in the course of any life is time well spent.” – Billy “William” Rehnquist

Wait, wazzat? Rewind. Back that mother up. Did someone just say, “close relationships with your family?” Ha ha, remember those? Families? It almost seems like old Billy was saying – and this is shocking to me – that pursuing a strong backhand – which has so far been my life’s defining work let’s face it whose isnt’ – may not be all that important after all? And that we are all on equal footing in regards to the purchasing power of one of our most treasured and misspent of precious resources – our – our – OUR TIME?? Where does money fit into all this? Where’s the part where you get to whine in that annoying little voice of yours about how much money someone else has?

Here’s one more quote from billy –

“Ideas with which we disagree – so long as they remain ideas and not conduct which interferes with the rights of others – should be confronted with argument and persuasion, not suppression.” – Old Billy “William” Rehnquist

Wait – argument and persuasion? What are those? That doesn’t sound funny. But I’m going to try to remember that the next time someone says something I don’t like. Or maybe I’ll go one up on it, and simply try to put myself in their shoes, and understand their point.

Anyways. Thanks Billy, for the reminder. Quite a speach.